Samantha Bee Celebrates ‘Mueller Christmas,’ Watches Trump ‘Stooges Squirm’

Samantha Bee Celebrates ‘Mueller Christmas,’ Watches Trump ‘Stooges Squirm’

Samantha Bee gathered with her fellow “Muelliacs” on Wednesday’s Full Frontal, celebrating Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s latest legal moves connected to President Trump’s associates in the Russia investigation. “Lying to federal investigators [is] a crime,” the host said. “We don’t know if any of this will come back on Trump in the end, but at least a few more of the people who surround him will go to jail. And in the spirit of the holidays, let me just say it is fun to watch these stooges squirm.”

The host focused on the latest developments regarding Michael Flynn, Roger Stone, Paul Manafort and Trump himself – including the president submitting his written answers to Mueller’s questions. “Presumably it took so long because every other time he tried to answer them, he got burger juice on them and then tried to eat them,” she cracked. “He’s a hungry boy.”

She also summarized how “Mueller’s team tossed Paul Manafort in the trash like a picked-over turkey carcass” – pulling out of a plea agreement after learning Manafort’s attorney had been briefing Trump’s legal team with details about the investigation. Since that story broke, some commentators have speculated that Mueller knew about the communication and was stringing Manafort along – a theory Bee was keen to explore, with a Mean Girls visual aid.

“Robert Mueller interviewed Paul Manafort, and Manafort was like, ‘Here’s a bunch of bullshit I’m telling you,’” she said. “And then Paul Manafort calls his BFF Donald Trump and is all like, ‘Say the same bullshit I said so we don’t get in trouble.’ And then Donald Trump is like, ‘Oh, my God, you’re the best. I’m totally putting that in my answers. I fucking love you!’ And Robert Mueller is all, ‘You’re both felons.’ And Karen Smith is the new press secretary.” 

“Robert Mueller: You sneaky son of a bitch,” Bee continued. “I think you may have played them all. I never thought I’d be so turned by a man who always looks like he has mumps. If that is what happened, it is absolutely allowed. Despite what you may have heard on Fox News, Mueller does not have to save Trump from incriminating himself.”

On the Stone front, Bee recapped how the Trump confidant denied collaborating with Wikileaks, the organization that released thousands of DNC emails stolen by Russian hackers. “It’s a little hard to believe that longtime Trump friend Roger Stone didn’t collaborate with Wikileaks,” she said, “considering he dresses like he collaborates with the Joker to destroy Gotham City.”

Bee concluded with a Yuletide salute for all members of her “Muellitary.” “One Trump associate after another is turning out to be in deep, deep trouble,” she said. “So this holiday season, as the Trumps gather around the blood tree, Trump will probably be at least a little afraid that it’ll be his last Christmas in the White House. Mueller Christmas, everyone.”

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