DEAR DEIDRE: I’M recovering from cancer but didn’t even tell my mum I had been diagnosed with it because she completely lacks empathy.
She’s infuriating. Any time I call her and say, “I’m full of cold”, she’ll say: “I’ve had that one.
“Caught it last week.”
If I tell her I’ve got sore feet and my bunions need doing, she’ll say, “Your uncle Ted had that”, not, “I’m sorry to hear that”, or, “That must be painful”.
She’s 74, I’m 45 and I resist calling her. Even if I tell her I’ve had a bad day her reply may be just: “It’s rained here.”
We went to a family friend’s funeral recently and I could hear her exclaiming, “Yes, I’ve had that” and saw people rolling their eyes at her. I feel bad but she’s driving me mad.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Relating your conversation to something that’s happened to her shows a lack of confidence.
It’s her safety-blanket when she hasn’t got anything new to say.
If you feel that, rather than lacking in confidence, she’s narcissistic, then tackle it by starting sentences with, “It disappoints me . . . ” or “I feel upset . . . ”.
It may help her to realise that she needs to think before she speaks.
It’s doubtful she’ll completely change but even a bit more self-awareness can improve your relationship.
My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help.
To avoid her unhelpful comparisons, stick to topics like the weather, or her. She’ll like that.
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