I've got a girlfriend and a wife but I'm exhausted from living a double life

I've got a girlfriend and a wife but I'm exhausted from living a double life

DEAR DEIDRE:  I’M an exhausted man of 45 who is living a complete lie. This year has to be different for me.

I lead a double life, living with my girlfriend and our two sons, aged three and two, during the week and visiting my wife and our ten-year-old daughter every other weekend. It’s stressing me out as neither woman knows the truth.

My wife, who is 42, knows nothing about my 39-year-old girlfriend, and my girlfriend thinks I’m in the process of divorce.

I’ve been unhappily married for 15 years. We both come from a culture where divorce is unacceptable. Cracks showed in our marriage not long after our wedding. We thought having a child would help. It didn’t.

I got a job over 200 miles from our home while my wife and daughter stayed in the house, to give us all a rest from the tension.

The loneliness during the week got too much and I started dating online and met an amazing woman. When she got pregnant with my first son, I moved in with her.

READ MORE ONLINE

FLAGGING SEX LIFE?

How can I reconnect with my partner and reawaken our sex life?

Email Deidre on problems@deardeidre.org for her support pack Reviving Sex Drive to rediscover intimacy.

And read her advice on Facebook, Twitter, or at

She thinks I am going through a messy divorce from my wife, but the truth is I haven’t even got the ball rolling. I go home once a fortnight and my wife thinks I have a flat in the city, but as we don’t get along, she doesn’t ever visit.

I now have two little boys with my girlfriend, who I love very much. I am becoming increasingly snappy and hardly sleep as I really hate lying to everyone but feel trapped.

My girlfriend doesn’t know that my wife and daughter still live in our marital home. My daughter is beginning to ask questions about where I go in the week and she’s asking to spend holidays with me.

I feel so guilty. I don’t want to lose my girlfriend or my sons, but my “messy divorce” has been going on too long. Should I go ahead with the divorce and accept being ostracised by my family?

DEIDRE SAYS: Somebody will be hurt whatever you decide, but secrets within families have a habit of coming out. And you are, of course, risking spreading coronavirus with this set-up.

Your daughter will be picking up on the tension between you and her mum and it is more damaging for children to see their parents staying in a toxic relationship. If you and your wife can separate officially, you both have a chance of finding happiness.

Find a moment to tell your wife that things can’t continue like this. Suggest you both find support from a counsellor via tavistock relationships.org, 020 7380 1960.

You can then discuss how best to explain to both your families your double life, then you will be able to tell your girlfriend with honesty that things are moving towards divorce. You will feel a lot more at ease. My e-leaflet Worried About Mum And Dad will help you to talk to your little girl.

NEXT IN TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE I am worried my son will be upset if he learns about my fling with his coach

READ DEIDRE'S CLASSIC PHOTO CASEBOOK Carrie thinks Danni is a selfish cow after she stole Kieran

GOT a story? RING The Sun on 0207 782 4104 or WHATSAPP on 07423720250 or EMAIL exclusive@the-sun.co.uk

Source: Read Full Article