DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I found a cousin on Facebook who I didn’t know existed, I never expected to fall in love with her.
Now I want to tell her, but I’m scared it’s wrong.
I’m 28 and she’s 26. We’ve been talking online for almost a year.
I met her in an alternative music fan group.
We had no idea we were related until she told me that her family came from this little village in Wales.
I couldn’t believe it — that’s where my family originally came from too.
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We both went on a genealogy site and discovered that we have the same great-great-grand- father.
She thought it was an amazing coincidence and she started calling me “cuz” to tease me.
But by that time I’d already begun to realise I was falling for her. I know she really cares about me too.
She talks to me every night, sometimes for hours.
And she wants to meet in person soon at a gig.
I need to tell her how I feel because not being honest is driving me crazy.
It’s not like she’s my first cousin — she’s officially my third cousin, which makes us fairly distant.
Would it be legal for us to have a real-life relationship?
I’m really hoping so. I’ve never met anyone I click with as much as I do with her.
She’s so easy to talk to, so sweet and funny.
And she’s also really pretty.
I don’t want to lose her from my life but I can’t stop thinking about her.
Should I tell her?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Until relatively recently, it was common for people to have relationships with their cousins – especially distant ones.
There’s nothing legal to stop the two of you dating or even getting married.
In fact, that would be the case if you were first cousins, never mind third cousins.
The reason some people disapprove of cousin relationships is because the more closely related you are, the more chance there is of a genetic problem if you were to have children.
But with a third cousin, this isn’t likely to be an issue.
Most people don’t even know who their third cousins are.
If you like her that much, it’s worth taking a risk.
Maybe wait until you meet at the gig and see if you have chemistry.
If you still feel the same, tell her. Perhaps subtly ask her how she feels about the cousin situation. Make it clear you want to be friends, regardless.
Good luck!
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