I cheated and got a 17-year-old pregnant but still really love my son's mother

I cheated and got a 17-year-old pregnant but still really love my son's mother

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD fun sex with a woman, though I really love my son’s mother.

Now the woman is going to have my baby too and I worry I’m going to be judged.


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I have been in a relationship with my son’s mum for three years. He is a year old, she is 26 and I’m 28.

We haven’t been able to afford our own place yet so still live in my family home — in my case with my mum and three sisters.

I love her and want to get our own home and marry her when we can afford it.

I am very involved in our community and helped organise a couple of projects for local young people.

One of them held a disco last summer and I got dancing with a 17-year-old girl.

She was a great dancer, good-looking and laughed a lot. I felt like a teenager myself again.

We started dating and after a while had sex. I didn’t see it as anything serious. I was just ­having a bit of fun.

We always used protection but one time the condom split.

I later found she was swapping sexy messages with another guy on her phone so I broke up with her. I didn’t mind as I never saw it as anything serious.

Life moved on and I was still happy with my little family.

Then the other girl messaged to say she is pregnant and the baby is mine.

I don’t mind as I love children, but my son’s mum was broken-hearted when I told her. She sobbed but in the end I ­persuaded her to forgive me.

My main issue now is how other people will judge me when the baby arrives.

I haven’t told my mum yet and I know she will be furious but also very disappointed, which will feel worse.

And this girl is so much younger than me. I am a role model for young people in this area and now I will be seen as untrustworthy.

I can’t stand the thought of being judged and am desperate to find a way round this.

My other worry now is financial. I promised both women I would support both my children.

I’m furloughed now but fear I will soon be made redundant.

topic4today

MANY people thinkseeing a sex therapist involves having sex in laboratory conditions while someone takes notes.

 

In fact you talk, usually as a couple, with someone understanding who makes constructive suggestions, and 93 per cent of couples who saw a Relate sex therapist found it improved things.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You don’t need me to say having sex always brings responsibilities, but you should insist on DNA tests when this baby is born.

You know this girl was at least flirting with someone else while you were seeing her.

Best face your mum and the community with an honest apology.

Say you were totally wrong both to cheat on your son’s mum and to exploit a relationship with a younger girl who will have seen you as a respected authority figure.

Meanwhile, think of any way you can show your employer you deserve to be kept on.

You can find out more about DNA tests for child-maintenance issues and your entitlement to benefits at citizensadvice.org.uk.

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