Breakups are almost never easy. Whether you’re the one ending things, or the one being broken up with, calling it quits can be really painful — even if it is the healthiest thing for both of you. But when you find yourself in an otherwise "good" relationship where you still, inexplicably, feel like something is missing, breakups can get even trickier. Breaking up when nothing is "wrong" may not seem like the right thing to do at first, because you might feel like you don’t really have a reason, but the truth is, you don’t need one. Nothing major needs to happen. If something feels off in your relationship and you can’t pinpoint the exact reason why, that’s OK. There doesn’t need to be a big red flag or a betrayal of trust. Sometimes, you just want more, and if that’s the case, you deserve to get it.
"Something may not particularly be ‘wrong,’ but there has clearly been a change in your feelings, if the idea of breaking up is even on your mind," breakup coach and host of the breakup BOOST podcast Trina Leckie tells Elite Daily. "And I would say that in itself is something that could be considered ‘wrong.’ If you are investing your time and energy into a relationship, you want to feel excited about it." If you don’t feel that excitement anymore and your partner does, or if neither one of you does, then like Leckie said, things aren’t really as good as you might’ve thought. "Both parties deserve to have someone who is into the relationship," she says. "Not just sticking around to stick it out."
There could be countless reasons why you’re considering breaking up with bae, despite nothing being particularly "wrong," Leckie says. Maybe the spark the two of you had has burned out, and you’ve tried to reignite it to no avail; or you rushed into things because you were lonely and just wanted to date. It could be anything. "If nothing is wrong and you feel like it’s not the right relationship, maybe it’s a lack of real, romantic love," Pricilla Martinez, CEO of Regroop Online Life Coaching, tells Elite Daily. "If you see them more like a friend you love spending time with, everything could be perfect, and it’s still going to feel off."
It may be a tough reality to face, but it’s possible you were never really heart-beating-out-of-your-chest in love with your partner, or you were at one point, and, somewhere along the line, you fell out of love. "Think about all those times where you or your friend have been completely heartbroken time and time again, and yet, you endure because the love you feel is strong," Martinez points out. "In this case, everything may be going well, and you still feel empty." Breaking up when nothing is wrong isn’t something to beat yourself up about. Some relationships are meant to last forever, and others, well, they run their course. Unfortunately, it just happens that way sometimes.
When you’re trying to decide if breaking up is the best thing for you and your partner, it can be important to do some serious introspection, Dr. Benjamin Ritter, coach and founder of The Breakup Supplement, says. If nothing is wrong with the relationship, you may find yourself wondering, "Is the issue me, am I ever going to find enough, or should I just settle?" he tells Elite Daily. When you start thinking about these things, Dr. Ritter says it’s time to examine what you truly want and how you define love.
To do so, he recommends you ask yourself a few questions. "Where did your expectations come from? What is your ‘type’ of relationship, and what are you used to or desire? What is attractive to you? What makes your heart race? Are those the same things that work in a long-term relationship?" How you answer these can play a part in helping you see what you want and don’t want moving forward, as well as what’s enough and what’s not. "Figure that out before you start deciding that someone isn’t [for you]," Dr. Ritter advises.
Really, what it comes down to is that "relationships take two things: the right person and the right time," Monica Parikh, dating and relationships coach at School of Love NYC, tells Elite Daily. Your current SO could be the right person at the wrong time because maybe, you just want to prioritize yourself at this point in your life. Taking some personal time can be a wonderful thing, "as it brings you closer to understanding what you need in life and what makes you tick," Parikh says. "You want to explore an intimate relationship with yourself — which is always the proper foundation for a romantic relationship with a partner."
While nothing being technically "wrong" may not seem like a good enough reason to end things, the truth is, it is. If you’ve noticed you’re not as happy with bae as you used to be, or as into them as you once were, there is no shame in that. You’re 150% allowed to feel how you feel — no ifs, ands, or buts. "Staying in something that you aren’t feeling pumped about is the same as just going through the motions," Leckie says. "[And] life is too short for settling."
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