A WIFE wrote a scathing poem fat-shaming her husband in her diary, but after reading it he got his own back by getting a rippling six-pack.
Mum-of-two, Bernie Stewart, penned the secret note after hubby Earl Stewart, 49, ‘let himself go’ and piled on the pounds.
The pair, originally from Gloucestershire, moved to Spain with their two kids Caden, nine, and Frankie, six, in 2016, where Earl gorged on food and drink.
The construction worker had previously kept himself in shape, and used to have a dig at Bernie about her fluctuating weight over the years.
Bernie said: “Earl’s love of beer and greasy tapas dishes had turned his abs to flab, without him even realising it.
"I was secretly pleased. It had always been Earl picking on me, but now he was the one with the spare tyre.
"Though our relationship was strong, my husband had always been vain and kept in shape, which meant he couldn’t help picking on me and my weight.”
But when Bernie gazed at her husband parked on the couch with his belly hanging out one day, she wrote a cheeky poem to cheer herself up.
Intended for her eyes only, she branded Earl a ‘useless, overweight loafer’, moaning about how he clips his toenails in front of the TV and farts on the sofa.
She said: “While Earl was sprawled out on the sofa with his gut hanging out, I started tapping away on my iPad with a new diary entry.
Bernie's fat-shaming poem
These s*** soppy love songs, they do make me laugh,
They don’t speak of nose hair or rims round the bath.
Or p*** on the toilet seat, hair in the brush,
Or pimples or stretch marks or syphilis or thrush.
No songs on endless rows about pointless s***,
That often your partner will act like a t**.
And f*** you off so much that you want him gone,
They just speak of bullplop, how he is ‘The One’.
Yeah, he is ‘The One’ who stinks out the loo,
When he’s in there for hours, taking a poo.
Who leaves off the toothpaste and shampoo lid,
Who’s grumpy and moany and acts like a kid.
He is the useless, overweight loafer,
‘The one’ who farts loudly whilst sat on the sofa.
Hogging the remote whilst he clips his toenails,
Watching football, or cop shows or world’s toughest jails.
‘The One’ who is constantly adjusting his b****.
‘Oh he is ‘The One’, Christ yes, he’s my ‘all’!
My world and my everything, he is my life,
I wish I’d said ‘no’ when he said, “Be my wife”!
So when they all sing about meeting ‘The One’,
Wait ‘till they see what comes out of his bum!
“After writing my poem about Earl I read it back and laughed. It was tongue-in-cheek and only meant for me, to make me feel better.
"So when I left my tablet on the kitchen table and caught Earl reading the poem in my memo app, I got a horrible sinking feeling.
"He went mad. We had a huge row and though I tried to explain it was only meant to be a laugh, I knew my words had hit him hard."
Bernie was outraged at his reaction, after Earl had taunted her about her own weight struggles over the years, calling her ‘bottom heavy’, and teasing her saying ‘I can see your belly through your top’.
She once tipped the scales at 16 stone, as she battled to shed the pounds after having two kids.
Bernie raged: “He became podgy without even realising it, yet still had the cheek to call me fat.
“Earl always knew about my weight issues.
“I have never been that big since but I gained weight with both pregnancies and Earl made sure I knew about it.
"Every time I looked in the mirror I saw a fat person staring back at me.
"Earl on the other hand has always been a fitness freak and was as slim as they came. He’d be the first to admit he’s vain."
Despite his jibes she felt bad about her comments, adding: “I felt so guilty.
“But later that week he looked in the mirror and realised he’d let himself go.
"He agreed he shouldn’t have been criticising me when he was the one who’d gained weight."
Earl said: “I can’t say I wasn’t a tad p***** off when I read Bern’s poem, but everything happens for a reason.
"I suppose I have been a bit harsh in the past about her weight, but it was mostly for laughs.”
But he took Bernie’s comments on board, and started a new diet and fitness regime.
In three months he’d shed an impressive three stone, and even entered a bodybuilding competition.
The dad-of-two developed a rippling six pack, and his healthy eating had an impact on Bernie too, who’s shed a stone-and-a-half herself.
Earl said: “Now we are motivating each other to be healthy and are definitely much happier.
“I never meant for my words to hurt Bernie but now realise I shouldn’t have said them. She looks great and I will always love her just the way she is."
Earl now gets a lot of female attention – much to Bernie’s amusement.
She said: “Now Earl is ripped and I find it hilarious to watch women’s heads turn for him in the street.
"My poem also made Earl realise he shouldn’t have picked on me for so long and he’s apologised for criticising me."
“The words in my diary were harsh but I don’t regret them, because they gave Earl a kick up the bum and our marriage the boost it needed.
"Now we’re loved up and whenever I need cheering up, I just read through my poem again – in secret of course."
And this woman has flaunted her incredible two-stone weightloss which she achieved in just one year.
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