The wedding of Mike Sorrentino and Lauren Pesce was a bittersweet occasion.
The Situation put his d-bag ways and horrendous fashion choices behind him to tie the knot with the love of his life in the guido-iest of venues — a big gaudy palace right off the Jersey Turnpike.
But there were some dark clouds hanging over the proceedings, as well.
Obviously, there was the matter of Sorrentino’s 8-month prison sentence, which he began serving just weeks after tying the knot.
And then there were the many mysteries surrounding Ronnie Magro’s relationship with Jen Harley.
Would she show up? Had she really been extorting him? What in the hell did she do to the man’s teeth?
These questions and more — many, many more — were answered during last night’s two-hour wedding extravaganza.
Were we supposed to bring a gift? Because we’ve been to actual weddings that didn’t last that long!
The preparations began bright and early with Snooki and JWoww bringing their daughters to act as flower girls and recalling how it wasn’t all that long ago that Mike was such a bag he was persona non grata at both their weddings.
“Some parts of me regret not inviting Mike, but he wasn’t who he is today,” Jenni told the camera.
“It’s just this great feeling to know we set all that bullshit aside.”
The decision is especially understandable in Snooki’s case, as at the time, Mike was still claiming to have slept with her while she was dating future husband Jionni LaValle.
Yes, these days, Mike is a very different man, a fact we were reminded of when he snuck down to the lobby to indulge in his two greatest passions — food, and helping Ronnie get his sh-t together.
“I’ve been seeing some shit lately on the ‘gram and whatnot. Is everything cool?” Mike asked his battered friend.
“Everything’s good, but we both feel embarrassed right now,” Ronnie vaguely replied.
“It’s not a proud moment for either one of us.”
Like the rest of us, Mike seemed distracted by the fact that Ronnie’s latest altercation with Jen left him looking like a ’70s hockey player:
“This motherf–ker got no teeth? Like, word? Straight one two, to take out the bottom teeth,” Mike laughed.
“Ron, I love you, but take the 20k back from Jen and get some new teeth.”
As the ceremony drew near, Mike predictably began to get emotional:
“The last five years have been tough. I was in rehab three times. My legal situation I’ve been dealing with — I lost all the money I had earned,” he said during one confessional segment.
“I had to build myself back up from nothing,” Mike added.
“But today makes all that hard work worthwhile. I’m finally getting the girl, and at the end of the day, that’s how my chapter’s gonna end.”
Of course, Mike didn’t really start over with nothing, but it would have been a weird time to break the fourth wall and thank the producers who gave him such a lucrative platform.
Anyway, despite the presence of Jen, the whole evening went smoothly, and Mike and Lauren got hitched without a hitch.
“Just so you know,” Pauly told Vinny at one point, “if somebody punches you in the face, they’re not allowed to come to my wedding. I’m putting that rule out there now.”
“What if it was only two days before?” Vinny asked.
“What if I get dragged by a car? Is that okay? What if I get extorted for 20k? Then can she come?”
Ronnie got roasted by his concerned friends, of course, but ultimately, none of the guests had cause for complaint.
Well, aside from the millions of us who sat through a two-hour docudrama and still didn’t see the freakin’ dance routine the guys have been working on for weeks!
Anyway, congrats to Mike and Lauren. #FreeTheSitch
Mike Sorrentino in Prison: Star’s Sad Farewell to Freedom, New Life Behind Bars, Conjugal Visit “Situation” Revealed [UPDATED]Start Gallery
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